Just a Moment of Weakness

So when you change your mind about something because of how much work it is going to be, is that weakness or knowing your strengths?  Of course I don’t mean quitting on people or letting anyone down at the moment.  See we have to apply for jobs for some of our projects this year in order to prepare for the real world and job interviews and committing to what the job entails, etc, etc.  

Originally I applied first for the most difficult, but arguably the most rewarding job.  However then we started going over what the job would entail, and I thought about two things:

1. I’m already doing this job in another project, and while I do want to hone my skills in this department, I also want a well rounded education, and don’t want to be too bogged down right from the get go.

2. If I take this job in this particular class, I’m inevitably going to have to work with a couple of the ‘cool kids’ I had to work with last year more closely, and to be frank, I’m not keen on being treated like I don’t exist again this year.

So the predicament is, I’m completely behind myself on the first reason.  I did come here instead of staying closer to home in order to get a well rounded education.  I am also getting the opportunity to do the same job on a different project that in fact I’m more passionate about.  However my fear is that the logic of reason #1 isn’t what is driving me, but in fact it’s the fear and apprehension residing in reason #2.

The truth is I wanted to work on being more assertive this year.  Not just trying to talk and hoping people will listen, but always voicing my thoughts and making people listen, especially those who are supposed to be working with me and collaborating with me, not just with each other because they talk about it when they’re hanging out at home and have it all figured out before the official meting that I’m actually a part of so I never get any of my thoughts heard and —–

Sorry i got a little carried away there.  Suffice it to say that the week off I took last year happened after one of the many meetings where I felt ignored doing a similar job to the one that I’ve now backed out of trying for.

In the meantime, all of my random thoughts on this don’t matter all that much because I already switched my job preferences for the professor and to do it again would make me look….not very good.  So I’m stuck with my second decision whether I like it or not. I do think it makes me a little weak, but I also think it will make me a little happier, and that’s nothing to scoff at.

Until we meet again

– Anonymous Student


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