Today The other day when I started this…nothing of import happened in relation to my staggering unpopularity. There was this weird moment in the cafeteria when I was finished buying my food and I saw a couple ‘cool kids’ getting up to leave and I thought for a split second that they noticed me and looked maybe like they would try to avoid me. However this is about as likely as it is that I’m projecting my fear of how I think they would react onto them. In fact I couldn’t have glanced at them for longer than a second before I defaulted into defense mode and walked out with my head held high acting like I didn’t care if they noticed me or not, and maybe I didn’t even notice them. And I wonder why…anyway.
What did happen today however was a grievance put forth time an again since about, maybe the 3rd grade, but once you reach college (especially if you’re already twenty something five or more…) you kind of expect not to have to deal with it anymore. Apparently you’re never really free of bull.
Anyhow, since college is a hands on experience, one could probably deduce that we occasionally do stuff on computers. Today we were in a class that is solely working on computers, and usually this is fine, but the ADHD kid sits next to me, and well he drives me crazy.
Now to be clear, I’m insensitively using this ‘diagnosis’, I am aware of this. While I wouldn’t be surprised if he has this condition, I don’t actually know, and if he was just jittery, or talked a lot (which he does do) I wouldn’t mind that much. However when you take every possible pause in the lesson to open up your video game (and I’m not talking minesweeper, I’m talking full immersive gaming) and then you need to ask me what’s happening every 3 seconds, well you end up pissing me off.
I find it incredibly frustrating to be the studious one, both because I feel I need to pay that much attention and because I want to look good to the teachers, and then get bugged every 3 seconds to find out what is happening. If he only did it when it was legitimate downtime, or even just when you’re supposed to be doing your own work, that would be okay. However what he actually does is listen to the teacher, for just long enough to open whatever thing we’re supposed to open on the computer, and he gets finished no more than 10 seconds before the other students and then starts gaming. He then tries to keep up by flitting back and forth but inevitably gets more into the game than the work. Then he needs to ask for help to catch up while I’m busy trying to execute the instructions and because I’m non-confrontational I help him out.
Now I know the non-confrontational part is technically my problem. I know I could tell him it’s not my job to teach him and to start paying attention but I have 3 issues with that:
1. Not only do I not like to alienate people (yes even those who piss me off) we also all ask each other for help all the time. Not only could I accidentally alienate other people because they think I’m just being a bitch, but there is also no way to differentiate when he honestly missed something due to working on the previous thing or just didn’t understand from him just fucking off and not paying attention.
2. I too need some help sometimes and if he understands I don’t want to burn that bridge, and again about everyone else possibly thinking I’m a bitch, I don’t want them to decide I should have just payed attention.
3. Neither of the previous two should matter. Seriously, yes I have my hangups, but the first hangup to cause my hangup was him gaming in class, so not to succumb to immaturity, but he started it!
I never planned to post every day, so I’m kinda glad I slacked off in posting this because now anyone who reads this won’t think I’ve disappeared if I miss a couple days. I probably will post tomorrow though because shit hit the fan in the life of one of the good ones here and I’ll want to rant about that.
Until we meet again
– Anonymous Student